Lately I've been feeling less than the best version of myself. I've been to a fair amount of charity gala's and rebel women luncheons recently in search of some inspiration. I've seen hints of it, but nothing that makes the leap from inspiration to motivation. I keep having these conversations with friends who want to be doing great things; actors, writers, film makers, artists. We all have ideas but we are seemingly stuck under the weight of daily life. We all got comfortable, and complacent. And that's not exactly advancing the plot.
I spent 20 minutes last night at a party, talking to a wonderful director about how he should raise money on his own and film the pilot that he wrote. And he said that his friends told him that he can't do it, that he has to follow some predetermined path. He doesn't want to do it with his own money because he is saving up to buy a house. There was so much fear in his thinking. Fear of losing the money for his house. Fear of not doing it the "right" way. Fear of failure. What if it sucks? What if he sucks? And this is the same conversation I just recently had with 3 of my other friends. We are all stuck in the same fear, and it's crushing our collective spirits.
One of my closest friends is an actor. I am constantly coming up with schemes for us to do things together and they are almost always met with resistance. She'll say "I can't, my agent would never let me" or "I have to be careful with my image" so she never takes the risks that could propel her to the next level. She never wants to look bad, or feel foolish, or share her vulnerability with the world. All of which, in my opinion, would make her a better actor. So she stays inside the machine, hoping to get a part that will propel her on instead of making her own choices, without permission.
There is also my writer friend, and musician friend. Both with day jobs. Both doing the "right" things. There is nothing at all wrong with doing something on the side. I get it. I too have a day job. I too do my art on the side. It's a constant struggle to stay on one road, while knowing your real desire lies down another. Like parallel lines, I can always see the other path but never the two shall cross. Unless I'm fearless. And that's where I stand conflicted.
I've got my own insecurities and plenty of fears. Being fearless takes an indelible spirit, tenacity, and action. It takes becoming something greater than your average self. It costs you comfort and complacency and if forces you to get off the couch. That well worn bastion of comfort that perfectly fits my ever spreading derriere.
The undeniable truth is that I can't be unstoppable and fearful at the same time. So this is my declaration. All the things that are holding me back, are the exact same things holding everyone else back. And I'm over it. This feeling of self-doubt and suffocating mundanity, it's time to kiss it goodbye for good. This is a call to all my friends who have great dreams to also be fearless and shed their own stories of insecurity. Today I'm going to be unstoppable, who's with me?